Tag Archive: Ár nDraíocht Féin


Welcome Freyja!

Wow, it has been too long since I’ve written last.  As I’ve stated in my other blog, The Journeys of a Nomadic Pagan, “Reflections During the Dark Moon“, life has gotten extremely busy for me and I’ve found it difficult to sit down and write about all the cool things going on.  If you recall from an earlier post, “The Dark Mother Does NOT Hold Back and Other Things“, I was having a very intense time with Odin making his presence overwhelmingly known in my life.  It seemed as though Odin was there, all the time, pushing me so hard in the pursuit of  knowledge that I was putting everyday activities to the side, constantly trying to play catch up late at night with everyday mundane activities.  I had to tell Odin that my family and my children come first in my life right now.  Then, in stepped Freyja and everything changed…

“Freyja” by Kris Waldherr

“Freyja” by Kris Waldherr

I don’t recall the exact date now – looking back though, I’d say that at around February 23rd (I know it was after a conversation that I was having with a good friend of mine on February 20, telling her how I felt like there was more work that I felt needed to be done or to prove myself before I could connect with Freyja; but before the Full Moon on February 25th because I dedicated that Full Moon rite to Her) Freyja made a surprising visit as I was falling asleep one night.  I was right on the verge or falling asleep, when you’re in that in-between state, but still somewhat conscious of what’s going on around you.  All of a sudden, I “saw” these bright prisms or rays of white/blue/purple/pink light beam down and light everything up.  Then, I saw Her – She was very similar in appearance to Kris Waldherr’s depiction of Freyja, chariot and cats and all, but different – Her hair was brighter or a lighter blonde and the clothing She was dressed in lighter colored clothing, white and grey.

Her energy was amazing and completely surrounded me – every breath I was taking in felt as though I was breathing Her energy into my lungs and engulfed my body.  The only way I can describe it is warm kitten fur – seriously – it felt like warm soft kitten fur!

That night, She made it very clear that She was here to stick around and has even given me certain requirements or tasks that She strongly suggests me to do if I am to represent Her and become one of Her priestesses; and since then Odin has stepped back, way back.   It was almost as though She had to “step in” and acting in a protective manner and tell Odin to step back for a while.  Later, I found (and I can’t remember the source – still looking for it) that Freyja was the only Goddess that could, for whatever reason, really stand up to Odin and have him step back from a person that he had a hold on as it were.  I think it might have to do with the fact that She had taught Odin magic and that gave Her the authority to do so, or the fact that Freyja has the first pick of souls of the slain or fallen warriors as Lady Imbrium had mentioned.

This new deep connection with the gods of the Norse pantheon almost made me feel conflicted in a way.  You see, for my ADF hearth culture, I was sure on my choice of the Celtic or Gaulish pantheons to work with.  However, things have taken a real turn and it seems as though the gods of the Norse hearth culture have chosen me.  Funny how that works…but I still continue to honor the Goddesses I feel especially close to and have their altars I set up (The Morrígan, Brighid and Epona/Rhiannon) and things seem and feel OK.  I’m also in the process of setting up my ADF altar to Frigga (who has a real quiet but firm presence in my life – but She doesn’t say too much, She just kind of sits back and observes) and Odin.  In fact, a few weeks back, I actually had a dream of Brighid and Freyja.  Their images were on a single card from the Goddess Guidance Oracle deck by Doreen Virtue.  It kept spinning, Freyja on one side and Brighid on the other.  To me, it signified balance and a feeling that it was OK to work with both pantheons, but that they should not be mixed.  Balance was the key.

I’ve also noticed I’ve been dreaming of runes and seeing them more often.  I had a dream one night of runes that appeared from the usual swirling grey mists in my “spiritual dreams”.  Out of the mists Fehu and Gebo appeared.  These runes apparently have some type of significance to Her (as does Ehwaz I’ve been finding out).  A few others appeared too, but I don’t remember them – Berkano, Jera, and Mannaz seem to be standing out; but those first two are the two that really stand out in my memory.  Also, there are times when I close my eyes and runes just seem to swirl around and around….

My personal altar to Freyja - a work in progress.

My personal altar to Freyja – a work in progress.

I have since set up a personal altar to Her in my bedroom by my bed side, making daily offerings to Her of different sweet-smelling incense that She seems to enjoy (strawberry, latin lover, and amber romance).  She also made it known that She likes pearls.  This was a little strange to me as She is a fertility Vanir Goddess, more closely associated with the earth I thought – how was She connected with the sea?  But looking at Her father, Njörðr, god of the sea and weather, it makes a little more sense.  Then I found this wonderful blog entry, “M is for Mardöll“, it made much more sense.  Plus, She just thinks they’re really pretty – She likes pretty things 😉

I continue to speak with Her and give Her praises daily, and She in turn comforts me, helps to remind me to go within and find my center when I’m angry or upset, and tells me what work needs to be done in the healing process I’ve started back in February.  The relationship I’ve been working on building with Her is amazing.  She is so strong and confident, an amazing healer and full of wisdom and knowledge that will come to me in time with hard work (there are things that She has advised me I NEED to learn and WILL learn) as She sees fit and feels I am ready.  The new found healing, love, confidence, blessings and opportunities that have presented themselves within the past month or so have been so amazing and transformative – unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.  Welcome Freyja!  Hail and praises to you Sweet Lady!

Oh Look, A Cat…

I really wanted to write about this last night, right after I had this “unique” experience, but with the weather being so bad and my poor internet connection, it was pretty much impossible.

“Twer a dark and stormy night…and there I was, looking out and watching the rain just pouring down – really thinking about whether or not I really wanted to brave the rain to go out to my Sacred Space and leave an offering of whiskey, hoping that the Shining Ones would understand that I was really tired and didn’t feel like getting sop and wet.  I figured, “Ah, what the heck.  Let’s do this.”  So I donned a coat I found with a hood and made my way out there.

As I was giving thanks for the blessings I had received that day and was about to offer my whiskey, I felt something brush up against my left leg.  I looked down and saw something black and furry waddling by.  I thought, “Oh look, a cat…” and then I saw the white stripes…and my heart skipped a few beats…

I stood dead still as it made its way under my porch.  I breathed again…until it waddled back out and came back my way and stopped and stared at me.  We locked eyes for what seemed like forever.  It looked to me that it was sizing me up and deciding whether I was friend or foe – spray or go about its business.  I held out my bottle of whisky and my free hand in front of me (as if that would protect me from being sprayed, right?) and pleaded, “Nature Spirit, Kindred, I mean you no harm…I mean you no harm…”  It had to be pretty amusing to watch.  It then took a few steps towards me, turned right and scurried back down the sidewalk from whence it came.

Needless to say, a double sized offering was given last night…

So, let’s take a look at what message Skunk brings, shall we?

“The skunk symbolizes solitude, self-reliance, distinctiveness and attraction. Skunks are nocturnal and also represent intuition and inner guidance. Skunks are beautiful, and non-aggressive unless provoked. Their distinct pattern and memorable smell make most predators steer clear – except owls and that’s likely only because they don’t have noses ;).

Skunks are beautiful animals that are distinguishable from a great distance. They symbolize the need to be who we are, to live authentically regardless of the opinions of others. They give us the courage to walk the talk and put ourselves out there.

Personal Reflection…

If skunk appears to you it is to help you build confidence in yourself and to develop more strength of will and independence. Skunk people are not pretentious and feel compelled to be who they are without the need for approval of others to define them. Skunk appears to help you develop trust in yourself (intuition) and to trust your instincts.” [1]

“Respectful, playful, sensual, respect and demands respect, takes own time, steady with efforts, fragrances can elicit responses with those who associate with skunk medicine (aroma therapy), an ability to attract people will start to develop, teaches will power, enhances self-confidence and self-respect, an awareness of when to move and adapt along with understanding the flow of energy, teaches to pay attention to senses and intuitions. People will naturally notice you. Skunk awakens, activates and amplifies your internal energy. Helps open up wisdom to the mystical. Are you asserting the qualities mentioned above? Skunk teaches fearless with peacefulness and a balance in the ebb and flow and life. What you do emanates outward.” [2]

Funny it should mention the whole “will power” thing…I have a certain weakness for books…I had just been giving thanks for an opportunity to purchase some books on my Amazon and Half.com wishlists.  I did however feel a little bad about purchasing so many at one time, like I had splurged a bit too much this month; then came the skunk.  Will power.  Yes, I must work on that…

 

 

Sources:

Starstuffs.com, “Animal Totems: Dictionary of Animals“.

Totemwisdom.com, “Skunk Totem“.

 

Suggested Links:

Andrews, Ted. Animal Speak, “Skunk“.

Linsdomain.com, “Skunk“.

Simurro, Cie (a.k.a. Thunderbird Starwoman). Wisdom-magazine.com, “Totems: Skunk“.

Venefica, Avia. Whats-your-sign.com, “Animal Symbolism of the Skunk“.

So, I’m very thankful – it’s been a very successful week, both spiritually and mundanely…well, except for this morning when I had to be up at 4:30AM to drive my husband to the airport (Army stuff).  But, then again, I’m thankful for that now that I think about it because this school he is going to and the orders we will receive when he completes it has stopped him from being deployed to Afghanistan…so yes, I can say that I’m thankful for that.

Anyways, spiritually – I’ve made a very long-awaited connection with Epona.  As I’ve stated in comments under my Epona entry, I’ve always loved and had a strong connection with horses.  Equine Science was my first college major until I’d gotten into a car accident on my way to college one early icy morning on my way to the horse barn to groom and take care of the horse that I was responsible for, Briar.  Despite having to be up at 5AM every morning to get to the horse barn, it was well worth it to me as I loved EVERYTHING about it.  I loved the smells, the sounds of the horses whinnying and snorting, and most especially grooming her.  That was when I was at peace in my “happy place” – spending that one on one time with her rubbing, brushing and picking hooves.  I also loved riding – the freedom from all my cares that came with it was amazing…

“Rhiannon” by Amanda Walsh

In my younger days, when confronted, being “cut down” or if someone tried to discourage me from doing something I had set my mind to, I remember “feeling” like a wild horse saying, “I will not be broken!”  Stubborn…very stubborn (if truth be told, I still am).  I’ve felt a faint connection with Epona for several years now; with Her name popping into my head for no apparent reason and calling out to Her when feeling weak, hurt and vulnerable.  For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling Her energy grow stronger and stronger as She made Her way into my life and really made Her presence known.  Perhaps that began when during our last Druid study group several weeks ago, I pulled the Horse card from the Druid Animal Oracle deck after focusing on the question, “What do I need to focus on today?”  I’ve also felt a spark with Rigantona and Rhiannon, even Macha; but more so with Epona.  Maybe because Her energy just feels so much “older” and primal to me than Rhiannon, Rigantona and Macha.

“Epona the Horse Goddess” by Gene Avery North

It’s been extremely healing, opening up a whole new sense of deeper love, understanding, forgiveness and acceptance that I was afraid that I’d never come to know.  I had a friend a long time ago that said, “Pony medicine is good medicine – healing medicine,” and as far as I’m concerned, he was right on the money!  I’m not sure what finally sealed the deal completed this connection – perhaps when it was when I was riding one of the horses with my daughter at the Renaissance Festival last Sunday – I have no idea.  All I know is that She’s here and I’m so thankful for Her warm, loving and peaceful presence I feel when my anger or feelings of discontent and frustration flare up.  I can “see” Her: a milk-white mare with big soft brown eyes just staring at me and feel Her comforting warmth.

I’ve also decided to try to work with Her as a Gatekeeper, which I understand is usually a male deity.  However, I feel She would make a perfect Gatekeeper as She is associated with protection, keys, the Otherworld and Underworld, being a psychopomptravel, shape-shifting, dreams, the Feminine and magic – just to name a few of Her associations.  As I have more of a Dianic nature, it just feels right.

“Green Goddess of Beltane” by ArwensGrace

I’ve thought a lot about the Goddesses that I feel connected to and noticed a pattern.  First off, Brighid – Celtic, who goes by many names depending on the region or tribe you’re looking at (i.e. Brìde in Scotland, Brigindū in GaulBrigantia in Great Britain, etc.).  Nemetona – Celtic, worshiped in eastern Gaul.  Sulis – Celtic, another Gaulish Goddess worshiped at the thermal spring of Bath (with associations with Brighid).  And now Epona – another Gaulish Goddess worshiped throughout the Celtic and even Roman world.  I also have an interest in Artio a Celtic/Gaulish bear Goddess, worshiped notably at Bern (Switzerland) and Abnoba, another Gaulish Goddess who was worshipped in the Black Forest and surrounding areas with connections to Diana (another favorite Goddess of mine).  Do you see a pattern?  They’re all Celtic Goddesses, yes, but more specifically, they’re all Gaulish.  I think I’ve found my pantheon 🙂

This kind of surprised me as I had expected it to be more of an Irish pantheon, but the feeling of connectedness just isn’t as strong as it is with the Gaulish pantheon.  Perhaps because of my Ancestors?  I will freely admit that yes, I am a mutt – Sicilian, Polish and Czechoslovakian on my father’s side and Irish, German, Polish, English, French and Dutch on my mother’s side.  Now, I know that there are people who say that ancestry doesn’t have too much of an influence on what deities call to you, and I agree with that; however, I feel that sometimes, it does.

Onto a different topic now…

I’ve just now discovered a very yummy and acceptable offering to the Shining Ones – Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey.  It caught my eye one day as I was walking through the PX looking for a bottle of whiskey to use for my offerings, especially after our very successful garage sale we’ve been running all this past week.  I felt a collective acceptance from the Shining Ones as we gave offerings of thanks for our blessings we had received.

That then inspired my husband…mead making.  Eventually, when he retires from the military, we would really like to live a self-sustainable life.  My aunt and uncle are beekeepers and sell their own honey.  I one day want to learn this skill and sell honey and make soaps and skincare products.  My husband sees an opportunity to make and sell mead as well.  Perhaps some Divine Inspiration?  🙂  Who knows…we’ll see where this dream takes us…

I’ve been blessed with a few experiences these past few weeks that have been a bit of a wake up call for me.  My daughter, who will be 4 in November, has been very observant of books I have laying out that I use as references to my daily Goddess blog and statuary I have around the house on my altars.  She asks questions, as to who They are and I explain that they’re Goddesses.  She likes to look at the images and say, “Oohh, nice Goddess!”

She’s also been very observant of my acts of devotion and thanks to the gods.  Whenever we bake together (my daughter, 2 & 1/2 year old son and myself), we always make wishes and stir love into whatever we’re baking.  Then, whatever it is, when it comes out of the oven, I set a cookie, a muffin, the first heal of bread aside – as an offering to bring out to my outside Sacred Space,  showing my love and thanks for the blessings the gods have bestowed upon me.  Offerings of beer, wine and other malt beverages are quite frequently made as well.

Last week, my daughter asked me what I was doing as I was leaving a heal of bread in one of the fairy offering dishes and I explained to her that I was offering thanks and love to the Goddess and the gods for the blessings they have given me.  She then asked for a piece and if she could leave some.  I broke her off a piece to leave and she said, “I wish for love.  Momma, is that a good God wish?”  I almost shed a tear right there…out of the mouth of babes…It quite possibly was the cutest, most innocent and blessed thing that I’ve ever heard.  I said, “Yes baby, that’s a beautiful God wish.”

Then, yesterday, I had given both of my kiddies bananas as afternoon snacks as I was getting things set up for a forthcoming garage sale.  I found her outside in my Sacred Space breaking off a piece of banana and asking if she could leave it as an offering.  Of course, I told her yes, it was fine and she offered it with her God wish of love.  My son, watching, decided this was a good idea and ended up “offering” half his banana into my fountain.  My daughter and I both got a good little chuckle out of that.

To be honest, I’ve been stressing over the issue of religion since I found out I was pregnant with her.  My husband  was raised a Southern Baptist and comes from a very deeply religious and Christian family.  He is however, from what I can tell, very much against organized religion for his own personal reasons that he has not confided in me.  He can’t stand the holidays and wasn’t too big on the idea of me bringing the kids to Sunday School at the Unitarian Universalist church when we were in AK.

    

As for myself, I try to explain concepts to her about Mother Nature, the cycles of things (i.e. nature, seasons, etc.) and their significance and instill respect for the Kindreds of fur, feather, scale and fin int them.  Even though I’ve been a practicing Pagan for 8 years, I still feel as though I’m kind of new to it still and really don’t have an idea how to raise a Pagan child as I was raised Catholic, Methodist and Episcopalian myself.  I have a few good books that I feel I NEED to read: Circle Round by Starhawk, Diane Baker and Anne Hill; The Pagan Family by Ceisiwr Serith; and Celebrating the Great Mother by Cait Johnson and Maura D. Shaw.  I’m also trying to balance A Dance with Dragons (yes, I’m hopelessly addicted to Game of Thrones) for pleasure reading and The Solitary Druid as part of my reading and writing for the Dedicant Path with the ADF.

I do believe it’s time however.  As much as I’m sure he doesn’t want her exposed to organized religion, she’s starting to question and deep down, there’s a little part of me that doesn’t feel “qualified enough” to teach her about the concepts of deity(ies) – I think it would be different if I were dealing with an older person, someone who already had an “understanding” of deity.  She’s going to be exposed to all kinds of religious ideas and concepts when she starts school (mainly Christian) and I want her to have a healthy foundation.  She’s going to need to have knowledge of the different religions and spiritual followings, as will my son for that matter, while being raised in an Earth centered religion.

So my plan of action – read, read and read some more.  Check out the local UU church and their Sunday school program.  The kiddies will be tagging along with me to the next two High Day celebrations at the ADF Grove I recently started attending as my husband will be away at school that the military is sending him to.  Finally, meditating and using my intuition to guide me along the way…

Last week or so, I got my Ár nDraíocht Féin (ADF) Membership package containing an introduction to the Ár nDraíocht Féin and the Druid Path and ADF Membership Guide in which are requirements for starting the Dedicant Program.  “Awesome!” I thought.  With the end of these college classes upon me in less than a week and the Moon of Dedication coming up in a few weeks, this is the perfect time to start my Dedicant Path.

This morning, I had a most interesting dream.  I dreamt that I was talking to a woman in the middle of the woods.  We were on a stone/gravel type path with large mossy rocks scattered all around.  It was kind of grey and misty and I could not make out her face.  The message she conveyed to me was that in order to really belong to the ADF, I must accept the wolf.  I must accept and believe that the wolf truly is an endangered species.  Kind of weird – kind of cryptic, especially since I’ve always felt a bond or kinship with the wolf.  So, I went to one of my favorite animal totem websites, Whats-your-sign.com, and did a little research on the wolf.

“Wolf Medicine” by Rev. Mary

Avia Venefica writes, “To understand totem wolf symbols, one must first understand the heart of the Wolf. This takes time because the Wolf has had to endure many false stereotypes, misconceptions and misunderstandings.

Not at all the picture of ferocity or terror, the Wolf is a creature with a high sense of loyalty and strength. Another misconception is that of the ‘lone wolf.’ To the contrary, the Wolf is actually a social creature, friendly, and gregarious with its counterparts.

The Wolf is an incredible communicator. By using touch, body movements, eye contact as well as many complex vocal expressions – the wolf makes his point understood. Those with totem wolf symbols are of the same inclination – they are expressive both vocally and physically. Those who have the wolf as their totem animal are naturally eloquent in speech, and also have knack for creative writing.

A quick-list of totem wolf symbolic attributes include:

  • Intelligence
  • Cunning
  • Communication
  • Friendliness
  • Loyalty
  • Generosity
  • Compassionate

Totem wolf symbols belong to those who truly understand the depth of passion that belong to this noble creature. The Wolf is a representative of deep faith, and profound understanding.

Further, the Wolf possess a high intellect, and have been observed using strategies about hunting, habitat and migration.

When this gracious creature appears to us, and serves as a totem in our lives, the Wolf beckons us to ask these questions:

  • Are you thinking about a different form of education?
  • Are you being a true friend, and are your friends being true to you?
  • Are you communicating yourself clearly to others?
  • Are you being loyal to yourself?
  • Are you incorporating strategies and planning to achieve your goals?
  • Are you spending enough quality time with yourself, friends and family?

Click here to find more about other animal totems as well as totem wolf symbols and discover if the Wolf is your Native American zodiac sign. [Which mine is not – it’s a Bear.]

Take some time to know more about the Wolf, you will be amazed at the knowledge these regal creatures can share with you.” [1]

So, after reading this, I made some interesting connections.  For one, Pagans in general endure many false stereotypes, misconceptions and misunderstandings.  It is believed by those who don’t understand us that we are evil devil/Satan worshippers who sacrifice animals, etc. when that could not be any further from the truth (well except for the animal sacrifice part – I can’t speak for all forms of Paganism such as the African Traditional Religions (ATRs) and Vodou).  The ADF Druids I have met have a great sense of loyalty – to themselves, to their faith and to the Earth Mother.  Speaking personally, I do tend to enjoy my “lone wolf” time, but also crave community, getting together with like-minded people for coffee, for study group activities and chats and celebrating Moons and Sabbats or High Days.

It seems to me that Druidry highly values communication, the arts (especially within the The Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids (OBOD) tradition), wisdom, knowledge, learning and education.  All of the attributes that Venefica lists for the Wolf are attributes that I’ve seen for myself in my ADF friends in AK and are attributes that I personally appreciate and value in myself and other people.

“Are you thinking about a different form of education?”  Why yes, yes I am; I’m thinking about starting my Dedicant’s Path 😉

As for the “endangered species” part of my dream – You know, I try.  I really try to see the good in people – all people.  But that’s gotten me hurt a few more times than I care to remember.  There comes a time when learn – you learn that you have to be cautious and have to have your guard up, sitting back and observing before making a decision or a move.  You learn that not all people are “nice” and may not have the most honorable of intentions.  It truly seems as though people with the above attributes ARE an endangered species these days.  There are so many deceptive and uncaring people out there who are only out for themselves without thinking twice about who or what they use, injure or destroy in order to achieve their own means and goals.  Oh sure, they may be there to listen to your problems, but as quick as ever, they turn around and have a new subject to talk and gossip about with their friends.  You may find a knife in your back, never really seeing it coming.  These types of people don’t really care about you or your problems; they’re incapable or are unwilling to be compassionate and take the time to actually commit and help you, saying, “Oh well, sucks to be you,” as they abandon you to the curb and leaving you to your own demise.  When you do find a person or group with the Wolf attributes, you really want to hold onto, join their “pack” and stick together.  And you mourn…you mourn them when you have to move on.

So, now I have to ask – is the Wolf to be my new companion?  Is the Wolf to guide and protect me as I venture down this new Druid Path?

Sources:

Venefica, Avia. Whats-your-sign.com, “Totem Wolf Symbols“.

Yes, I’ve decided to pick back up on the Spiritual Nomad course.  I only made it through Module 2 and will be starting on Module 3 shortly.  I needed time though – I needed time to explore, think about and accept Truths that had been revealed to me during these past several months without rushing through things just to get them done or say “I completed the course”.

A lot of really cool stuff is happening for me right now.  Yesterday, we had we had the Full Strawberry Moon, or Rose Moon.  This evening, we had the Transit of Venus.  I can feel the changes happening…I can feel healing taking place.  Yesterday, I felt as though I was starting fit the pieces together, getting on the track and doing what I’m supposed to do.  Last week, I got an invitation to come out for a “meet and greet” with a local Druid, Grey Catsidhe, with the Ár nDraíocht Féin: A Druid Fellowship (ADF) who found me through the ADF site (though I wasn’t part of the ADF and that person subsequently disappeared off the site no sooner had she “found” me) and Witchvox. Of course, I was very excited as I have not yet gotten out and about to meet people in the “community” up here.  The Goddess must’ve thought it was time to leave my cave.

Meeting with her and the other 3 people who showed up at a local restaurant was refreshing.  You see, I had met some really awesome people in Alaska who belonged to the ADF who had a really great lasting impression on me.  They really impressed me with their beliefs, attitudes, seriousness of actually living their spirituality every day rather than being a “play-gan”, only “living” their spirituality at sabbats and festivals.  What they explained to me that the ADF believed coincided with my own beliefs and core attitude.  After listening to her talk about her beliefs and practice, it was completely inline with my friends’ attitudes and beliefs back in Alaska 3,000 miles away. I decided that night to take the plunge and join the ADF.  Yesterday I got the welcome e-mail from the ADF to set up my account.

  

I also decided reset my altar back up yesterday.  As I cleaned the altar space and took each piece out, it felt like coming home to something warm and familiar.  I felt as though I was coming home to Brighid.  She had been off in a distance lately – or maybe it was me who was distancing off in the distance from Her.  I had left “home”, was out exploring and playing with other “kids” on different playgrounds and had come to absolutely love and respect Shakti and Inanna.  I felt that I learned and made some wonderful breakthroughs with Them, (getting a greater understanding of the true nature of the Great Goddess with Shakti and personal healing with Inanna). But yesterday, I decided it was time to go home.  It felt like putting on that soft old worn-out sweatshirt, you know the one – the one that you’ve had for at least 8 or 9 years that’s been washed a thousand times.  It might have a few holes and stains on it, but feels so warm and comforting when you put it on.  That’s how I felt when I came back to Brighid’s warm and welcoming “arms” as She enfolded me with love, welcoming me home as any good and gracious mother would.  There was no jealousy, no resentment, no animosity or “I-told-you-so’s”; only a loving welcoming back to Her child.

I belong to Brighid.  There is no doubt in my heart, mind or soul.  Of course, She already knew that.  She also knows and understands that you have to let your children out to freely explore the world, gaining an understanding, wisdom and knowledge from different places before settling down so as not to have any wonderings or doubts about what might be out there.  She understands that in satisfying these curiosities, one comes to know exactly what they want and what is right for them (unlike other insanely jealous deitites that I know of who’d threaten to strike you down dead if you even so much as looked at another deity).  One is then free to use and apply that newly acquired wisdom to further themselves on their own Path.

I actually started to feel Her energies stir as I had set up my outdoor sacred space a few weeks back.  It was started with Cordelia, and then entered Sulis.  It was ever so more strongly with Sulis – who in fact, has staked Her claim on my outdoor sacred space (who also has a connection with Brighid – go figure).  She seems quite comfortable there and has no intentions of leaving.  Her energy is ALL OVER this space!  (In a good way of course.)

I also cleaned my ancestors’ altar and added a simple candle holder to burn a tealight candle everyday for them.  That felt really good and fulfilling.

I did quite a bit of healing last night under the Full Strawberry Moon – VERY sour and painful at first.  Spider (a cellar spider I think) delicately came along and stealthily landed on my leg, showing me the ways of gracefulness and understanding the ways of how the past and present are linked; how we weave ourselves into sticky situations and must use wisdom, knowledge, and grace to see our ways out – letting go of our pride in order to do so.  Strangely, I felt no fear or alarm as I calmly let her crawl onto my finger so I could release her outside.  I could actually feel her energy; it was warm, comforting, all knowing and ever so delicate.  Hopefully with her help, I can weave the life I want.

The night did however end on a sweet note – with a brief “visit” to some unknown ocean shore.  The skies were overcast and the waves a greenish-grey breaking foamy white.  Aphrodite was in the background somewhere, though I could not see Her.  Needless to say, it was a very healing and pleasant vision.

I could feel the lasting healing effects today and even as I write this now.  I hope this feeling lasts.  I hope that it’s not just the effects of the Strawberry Moon and the Transit of Venus.  I guess its up to me though, right?  I’m anxious to start my ADF path and I hope I can let go of the hurt and pain that I’ve carried with me for so many years – afraid of letting it go.  I’ve carried it for so long; it feels as though it’s a part of Me.  I’ve felt as though if I ever truly let it go, that I’d compromise myself and lose a piece of me.  But it’s time to transition…it’s time to let it all go, heal and be on my way.

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